One Girl Blog
ONE GIRL TURNS ONE
I’ve been in a reflective state of mind. Between the High Holy Days, the Pope’s visit and a cold that’s left me flattened, I’ve taken a step back from my mostly enjoyable busy-ness to think deep thoughts.
And what better time to share than on One Girl’s first anniversary?
I started One Girl Wellness so I could be the friend that I wish I had known during my sad and troubled days as a “fat girl.” I wanted to help women get to know—and like—who they really are, to figure out what they want and move with greater assurance towards their dreams.
To help them find the strength to say “no” without guilt and dependent clauses.
And to show themselves the unconditional love they and their bodies deserve. Today. Not 20 pounds from now.
One Girl believes in the power of women to change the world, starting with themselves. We’re all about self-awareness, self-confidence and self-healing.
We are all about you.
In the coming months, we want to help you become the woman you’d like to be. Who is she? Where is she hiding? Send us an email or write a comment below and tell us what you’d like to read or hear.
To One Girl clients, friends and followers, thank you for your trust and companionship as we make this journey together.
Tags One Girl Wellness
DAYS OF AWE(SOME)
It’s Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, but you don’t have to be Jewish to make a fresh start and take these lessons to heart:
Reflect. Look back on the past year—goals accomplished, wishes fulfilled, dreams not quite realized. Did you expand your emotional horizons or remain stuck in old patterns? How can you move forward, be better, do more now and in the days to come?
Forgive. “Sorry” may be the hardest word (just ask Hillary Clinton), but in the ten “days of awe” between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), it’s all about apologies and granting forgiveness, of wiping the slate clean of errors, disappointments, resentments and hurts. Letting go can be liberating. It frees the heart and opens it to greater love.
Re-commit. To friendships, families, your community and—if you’re a believer—a higher power. Find ways to “repair your world” starting with just one individual or cause. As we approach 2016, maybe there’s a candidate who speaks to you. Or an advocacy group. Contribute your time and talents and start a ripple effect of good.
Eat! It wouldn’t be a holiday without a feast. Love your body with good foods that love you back and enable you to be your best and most awesome { self }.
Wishing all One Girl fans and readers of the blog a sweet and happy year.
Tags Days of Awe, new year
SIX WAYS TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE BEFORE LABOR DAY
The summer sales are underway. And while we wait for the September Vogue to strut down the runway, there’s a change in the air. A sense of possibility and reinvention that could make our back-to-work, back-to-school return to reality a pleasure, not a chore.
Can you spell makeover? Here’s how to get your transformation started.
Wardrobe makeover. Take a good look at your clothes—the seen and unseen (like underwear). Try stuff on. Toss what’s old and un-repairable, donate what save-able but no longer right for you and organize the rest—by color or by use (work or weekend) or by type (skirts, shirts, shoes). Combine elements in new ways then photograph them for easy reference. What are your go-to garments and accessories? What are the holes that could be filled with this year’s must-haves? A closet cleanse is about more than clothes. It’s a zen way to organize your thoughts for the season ahead.
Make-up makeover. Re-think your look. Maybe it’s time for bangs or highlights. Or not. The point is to have a little fun and try something new. Change up your cosmetics too. (In-store make-up artists are your friends.) A fresh face can give you a fresh new outlook and boost your self-esteem.
Workout makeover. Seasonal change can be hard on the body and mind. Put yourself out there with new exercise programs that challenge your muscles and mental agility. You can do it solo, in classes or with a workout buddy and track your progress with wearable tech or an app. But the point is to, um, “just do it.”
Food makeover. Take advantage of the fall harvest and experiment with new recipes and healthy cooking methods. A little advance preparation can also go a long way to keeping you energized and immune to the cravings that up-end even the strongest willpower.
Sleep makeover. Power down those devices (and monkey mind) and support your sleep with a mindfulness or meditation practice. Without proper rest, you just can’t think straight and when your mind is muddled, your body is, too
Spiritual makeover. Enrich your life by committing to something bigger than you. Local nonprofits are always looking for smart and passionate volunteers so if you’re feeling stuck, this may be a good place to start. Or take a course, join a meet-up, adopt an animal. Anything to get yourself out of your head and into a more enlightened, fulfilled state of mind.
Fall is a great time to set a mid-course correction on the journey to your best { self }. What’s on your transformation agenda?
Tags Labor Day, transformation, makeover
HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS
It’s not so easy earning green. Whether you’re just starting out in your first “real” job or returning to the workforce after a pause, here’s how to keep career fulfillment at the top of your job description. Start by asking yourself:
1. Who am I? You can't do anything without knowing who you are. Forget Myers-Briggs. Identify your North Star, your passion, your goals. What are your deal breakers? Look to your heart and get on speaking terms with your body, mind and spirit.
2. Why do I do this work? Did you fall into this job or profession? Or does it reflect an intentional choice? Is it intellectually stimulating or kind of a snooze and do you care? Where will it take you? And is it where you want to go?
3. Is my job aligned with my values? Sometimes you have no choice. Earning a living takes precedence over living your truth. Eventually, a conflict this basic becomes soul deadening and the stress can make you sick. How can you find the best balance?
4. How do I work? Are you a self-starter or do you need the discipline of a team? Can you work remotely? What kind of work vibe brings out--or stifles--your best? Ask questions of your own when interviewing and pay close attention to the answers, and your gut.
5. What does success look like? It's hard to plan your journey without an end point in mind. (That's where your North Star comes in.) What are you working towards and what steps do you need to get there?
When it comes to work, it pays to put your { self } first. Onward and upward.
Tags work strategies
WHOSE (WORK)-LIFE IS IT ANYWAY?
“Work-life balance” is the perfect unicorn for our always-on, overly scheduled, FOMO times.
We humble-brag about how busy we are but in our hearts wonder what we’re really accomplishing in the frenzy to get more done in less time and with virtually no joy.
It doesn’t have to be this way. The path to true balance comes not from outside sources (more humane HR policies, say) but from within. Here’s how to find it:
1. Accept that you can’t have it all. At least, not all at the same time. There are always trade-offs. The key is finding those you can live with and learning how to negotiate whenever possible to protect what’s really important.
2. Prioritize. Some commitments are more important than others. Look at your schedule (work, school, home) and put your energies into delivering on the important promises and deadlines (to others or yourself). Everything else is secondary.
3. Detach. Recent studies have found that the constant alerts and blue lights from our devices are disrupting our thought patterns and our sleep. Declare your independence from your smart phone and tablet by reminding yourself that this personal email or cat video can wait. Set aside a discrete period of time to deal with these electronic distractions then put all social media activity aside. Your brain will thank you.
4. Respect the mind-body connection. You can’t work (or do anything else) when you’re chronically depleted. Make a conscious effort to eat well, exercise regularly and get some sleep.
5. Live according to your values. Nothing brings you down faster than feeling like you’re living a lie. Work and surround yourself with those who support your goals and sustain your growth.
Easier said than done, I know. But when you can be true to your { self }, you will find the fulfillment--and balance--you seek.
Tags work-life balance
SAY YES TO “NO”
Taylor Swift said “no” to Apple.
Malala Yousafzai said “no” to the Taliban.
Oncologists are saying “no” to Big Pharma.
Blacks and whites together are saying “no” to the Confederate flag.
And now, Apple will be paying royalties. A girl’s right to an education is unquestioned. The cost of cancers meds is under review. A shameful symbol of oppression is coming down.
Who knew that such a small word could have such a big impact?
“No.” is a sentence all by itself. It doesn’t need dependent clauses of justification or explanation, excuses or permission. It just is. “No” does indeed mean “no.”
“No” respects personal boundaries. It sets limits. It asserts personal agency. It takes a stand.
Women (and girls) are much too quick to say “yes.” Yes, to underpaid or unappreciated work. Yes, to social dis-respect. Yes, to unwarranted invasions of our private lives. As congenital people pleasers, we are conditioned to say “no” to our own needs in favor of others’. We’re reluctant to own our space. Or confront the micro-aggressions that devalue us daily.
Then we wonder why we are sick, depressed and unfulfilled.
You don’t have to be a celebrity or member of an important interest group to make a difference in a life. Anyone can do it. Empower your { self } and when you feel the moment is right, just say “no.”
Tags no, Taylor Swift, Apple, confederate flag
10 WAYS TO WORK WORKING OUT INTO YOUR LIFE (AND LIKE IT)
For many of us, eating right and getting fit is a mantra that sounds better in theory than in practice. But you can get fit again--even if time or motivation seem like insurmountable barriers. Here's how:
1. Meet your body where it is. You can't jump from couch to champion overnight. Commit to making steady progress and challenging yourself as you go.
2. Put your doctor and a trainer on your team. Many MDs are writing "exercise scripts" for their patients and prescribing cardio, flexibility and strength training as part of the treatment plans. Make sure you're given the all clear by your physician, then work with a trainer to develop a routine that helps you meet your goals.
3. Watch the clock. Want to get fit? You need to set aside a minimum of 150 minutes of moderate-intense activity/week. Want to lose weight? You'll need to commit to 180 minutes of intense exercise. If time is tight, break it up into 10-minute increments (or less) to squeeze in 2 minutes of barre, 5 minutes of running, stretching or aerobics you can do at your desk. Check the apple or android app stores for workouts you can do anytime, anywhere.
4. Open your mouth and say "om." No, meditation won't make you fit although it can power down on inflammation and stress. But yoga and Pilates, with their emphasis on breathing, mindfulness and body awareness, can bring more flexibility and serenity to your life.
5. Try something new. Sad but true, muscles get complacent. Get out of your physical and mental comfort zones with hard-core programs like CrossFit, Solidcore or HIIT. Even if you can't tell your left foot from your right, the exhilaration of surviving these workouts will carry you through the day (and burn more calories too).
6. Stay focused. Don't compare yourself to others or feel intimidated by more experienced exercisers. Get up to the front of the class, concentrate on your own work and don't give up.
7. Adjust your attitude. Think of your workout as a pleasure, not an obligation. When you find an activity you enjoy, you're more likely to do it on a regular basis and make it an organic part of your life.
8. Put it on your calendar. If you consciously and consistently set aside time to exercise, you will do it. (And like it!)
9. Make Fitbit your friend. Track your steps, your food, your sleep. Wearable tech is the newest and most fun way to monitor your health and build on your success.
10. Treat your { self } right. Exercise is a natural mood-enhancer, immunity-protector and health-booster. It's one of the best outlets for self-care and self-cure. So strap on those sneakers and go!
IT’S TIME FOR A TRUCE
We talk a lot about the war on women. At work (wage inequality). On the playing field (domestic violence). On campus (date rape). In the legislature and judiciary (restricted reproductive choice). It’s become a meme, a memorable turn of phrase that both highlights and diminishes the importance of the issue at hand.
But what about the personal war we women wage on ourselves every day? When we stand before the mirror or wake up at three in the morning. The self-defeating and marginalizing comments that become second nature after the age of eight (not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough). They’re as devastating as bullets and just as deadly.
The good news is that you can silence that internal critic who brings you down. Here’s how:
1. Ask yourself: is this story true? Have I really gained weight or is this style simply unflattering to my shape? Am I really unqualified for this job/promotion/raise or am I simply insecure because I don’t think I meet/exceed every single qualification? Take a good, realistic look at yourself (or talk with an objective friend or colleague) and separate fact from fiction so you can act with your best intentions at heart.
2. Develop greater self-awareness. Make a chart of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and things that get in the way. Getting things down on paper will help you see yourself more clearly so you can focus on what’s worth working on or pursuing and what’s worth letting go.
3. Cultivate shades of grey. (No, not that!) Are you prone to an all-or-nothing-at-all approach to life? Extreme thinking can really color your perceptions of what’s real and true. Tone down the black and white so you can see things as they really are and not as you may fear.
4. Choose empathy over judgment. As hard as we are on ourselves, we can be even harder on other women. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s life, so take a step back before you judge another’s life choices. That compassion will come back to you.
If we want to end the war on women, let’s start by making peace with our { selves }.
Tags war on women, self-compassion
WHAT WOULD IRIS SAY? WISE WORDS FROM AN ICON.
Last night, I spent an enjoyable hour or so in the presence of fashion icon, art collector, quintessential New Yorker and 93-year-old “It Girl,” Iris Apfel. No, it wasn’t at a TED talk or even face-to-face (alas). It was at a showing of “IRIS,” one of the last films directed by Albert Maysles (he died in March) and it is a tribute both to the documentarian’s art and his subject’s singular personality, taste and vision.
The sheer richness of Apfel’s fashion and home furnishings collections and her unerring combinations of couture and kitsch are remarkable enough but the lessons here go way beyond aesthetics. What gives meaning to her life (and depth to this film) is her old-fashioned work ethic (she grew up during the Great Depression), love for her husband (a centenarian) and a self-renewing desire to share her knowledge with new generations of students and acolytes of art and style.
Four “Iris-isms” to live by:
"If you’re lucky enough to do something you love, everything else follows.
"I don’t have any rules because I would always be breaking them so it would be a waste of time…I like to improvise. It’s like jazz.
"It’s better to be happy than well-dressed.
"People say that I inspire them. That I give them courage to do things they’ve never done before."
See IRIS and be inspired. Be inspiring in your turn. Most importantly, have the courage to be your best, most authentic { self }.
Tags Iris Apfel, Albert Maysles, fashion
WHAT HOME IMPROVEMENT TAUGHT ME ABOUT { SELF } IMPROVEMENT
As readers of this blog know, this is the year of the house. I have been re-purposing, refining and restoring. Decluttering (or, as Gwyneth Paltrow might say, “consciously un-coupling”) from stuff. It’s been cathartic and calming to bring order out of chaos when the possessions that truly matter to my life now find a new, clean home at last.
There have been other, subtler discoveries as well. Lessons that go way beyond any wisdom you can acquire on HGTV or your favorite shelter blogs. For example:
Trust. Know what you don’t know and cultivate a circle of advisors whose insights and experience you can trust—whether it’s developing a workout plan or laying out a kitchen. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t understand.” Someone secure in his/her knowledge will be happy to break it down for you so that you can be more informed and confident in your choices. Remember this and pay it forward.
Values. Not to be confused with opinions. You can change your mind about a couch (mid-century modern vs shabby chic), but not about, say, where it’s manufactured. If a living wage and humane working/living/producing conditions are important to you, read the labels—for furniture as well as food stuffs (locally made vs factory farmed). Buy according to your values and go with sources you can live with in good conscience.
Inner strength. My first contractor came highly recommended and the examples in his portfolio seemed first rate. Unfortunately, he turned out to be undependable and a diva besides, so in the end I had to summon up the courage to let him go. We’ve all been on the receiving end of bad news, but learning how to give it with firmness and kindness is a skill we all need to learn—on the job or at home. And there are times when knowing and advocating for your interests is critical to your well-being.
Attention to detail. I bought what I thought was the perfect washer-dryer but learned the day before delivery that the freight company would only drop it at the curb and no further. It was up to the homeowner to get it into the house. I think not. It was only after I cancelled the order (and paid a stockage fee) that I saw that this was standard procedure. White glove service, which no one had told me about, cost extra. So it pays to read the small print even if you think you know the answer in advance. A few minutes of mindfulness in all things can save you weeks of pain.
Patience is not one of my virtues. I’ve been thinking about these home improvements for years so of course I want it all done yesterday. But I have learned that plucking at someone’s sleeve, asking “When will this be finished, do you think?” is unhelpful and kind of rude. Nagging never works—whether it’s your kids or your colleagues. Unless there’s a strict deadline, let people work at their pace not yours, and step in only when necessary. If you’re the project manager (as we all are to one degree or another in our lives), manage. Don’t do.
Gratitude. I am lucky to do the work I do with the clients I have and that gives me the freedom and resources to take on this adventure. Any inconvenience is one I’ve brought on myself through thoughtlessness or inattention. I am grateful to the home improvement team in whom I’ve entrusted my house and sanity. Whenever you can, say “thank you” early and often to the universe and those who support your world.