One Girl Blog
PLUMBING
No, this is not about the glories of a post-Thanksgiving cleanse, fast or detox. It’s a story of actual clogged pipes and what they taught me about my day-to-day life.
Let me back up. I live in a pre-war building. And like most things of a certain age, its infrastructure is not quite what it used to be. Throw in a few kids who put questionable things in the food disposal and voilà, you have a loudly burping, almost overflowing kitchen sink. So the plumber was called and now all’s well that ends well. Before he left, he said something interesting: “Every so often you have to perform some preventive maintenance. It saves a lot of time and misery later.”
“How wise,” I thought. How healthy and happy would we all be if we performed a little preventive maintenance in our lives, like saving or investing a few extra dollars every week. Or suppose we exercised a little restraint over the holidays so we don’t have to deal with January guilt. Or if we took a little time to learn a new skill, read a new author or spend a few minutes proactively addressing a small problem before it became a big one.
How would that make you feel? It doesn’t have to be a dramatic re-set. Just a tweak or two—baby steps, really—that get you closer to something you really, really want.
Preventive maintenance, my plumber called it. Really, it's just another word for preserving your best { self }.
Tags plumbing, preventive maintenance
MORE’S THE { SELF } PITY
This past week has undone me. I am really sad, anxious, depressed, angry, numb. I'm in a stupor of misery. It's like the end of a relationship or a death but without the good memories to soften the blow.
You don't need an election to feel this way, of course. We can all fall into a funk in a heartbeat, even without a clear reason.
But after a while, it gets boring. So here's what I've done since Wednesday to restore myself:
1. I fasted. No, not from food. The non-stop news. After a while, post mortems weren't giving me the informational nutrition I needed, so I just stopped listening to the punditry. I thought my own thoughts and tried to find clarity in my own mind without getting lost in the noise.
2. I worked out. Never underestimate the power of endorphins. You may not change the world from the barre, but if you can do one more minute of plank or hold a position longer than the day before, that's an accomplishment. Celebrate it. Plus class companionship is good for the spirit.
3. I kept working. I have to do something creative everyday and thankfully deadlines concentrated my mind. When clients are waiting for copy, you can't keep taking exit poll breaks. You've got to stay focused on what you can control.
4. I did my homework. I've been taking Spanish classes since September--in part to stave off dementia and in part to piss off a certain president-elect. Conjugating verbs and composing simple, declarative sentences has been a happy distraction.
5. I'm fighting back. Becoming an ex-pat is not an option. So I'm re-evaluating the causes and organizations I support and deciding where I can do the most good over the next four years.
6. I counted my blessings. I have resources. I have health. An apartment I love with three wonderful companion animals. Good friends. Suerte (luck), as they say. Whenever I get too much in my own head, I remind myself how lucky I am and thank the universe. I think of ways to pay it forward.
Whether it's political or personal, it's OK--desirable even--to give into self-pity. But not for too long. You're entitled to indulge in tears and comfort food, but eventually you have to get up and get going. You owe it to the world. And to your { self }.
What steps are you taking to move forward? Tell us in the comments below or on our Facebook page.
VULNERABILTY IS POWERFUL
In your wildest dreams, did you ever think that sexual assault would be an issue in the 2016 presidential campaign? Me either. Yet, here we are.
But just when you think the story can’t get any stranger (or “deplorable,” to use the word du jour) there comes a revelatory moment that changes your whole perspective.
In a roundtable convo on MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell show, Ana Marie Cox observed, “the fear of seeming vulnerable keeps us broken. It takes strength to reach out and ask for help.” She was talking, of course, about the People reporter whose story of the republican’s nominee’s boorish behavior had broken that day. She was attempting to explain why women don’t come forward and bear witness. That the fear of being seen or judged as vulnerable somehow made them seem weak in their own or others’ eyes. So they swallow their pain and do what they can to move on.
Of course, as we’ve all learned in our own lives in all sorts of circumstance, you can’t move on unless you identify the source of your distress (whatever it is) and deal with it honestly, courageously and with self-compassion. Sometimes that means speaking up. Or speaking truth to power. Or asking a simple question. Or feeling safe enough to reach out and say, “I can’t do this alone. I’m stuck. Please help me.”
And just like that, what you think is your weakness becomes your strength. By enlarging your circle and bringing help to your side, you start to become your most powerful { self }.
A TIME TO RENEW
Not quite Throw Back Thursday, but I thought I'd bring back last year's Rosh Hashanah message urging reflection and renewal...
It’s Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, but you don’t have to be Jewish to make a fresh start and take these lessons to heart:
Reflect. Look back on the past year—goals accomplished, wishes fulfilled, dreams not quite realized. Did you expand your emotional horizons or remain stuck in old patterns? How can you move forward, be better, do more now and in the days to come?
Forgive. “Sorry” may be the hardest word (just ask the Republican and Democratic headliners), but in the ten “days of awe” between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), it’s all about apologies and granting forgiveness, of wiping the slate clean of errors, disappointments, resentments and hurts. Letting go can be liberating. It frees the heart and opens it to greater love.
Re-commit. To friendships, families, your community and—if you’re a believer—a higher power. Find ways to “repair your world” starting with just one individual or cause. As we approach the end of the election season, walk the talk and get out the vote. Or get involved with an advocacy group. Contribute your time and talents to something bigger than yourself and start a ripple effect of good.
Eat! It wouldn’t be a holiday without a feast. Love your body with good foods that love you back and enable you to be your best and most awesome { self }.
Wishing all One Girl fans and readers of the blog a sweet and happy year.
LOOKS LIKE…
I’m losing my hair. Chalk it up to age, too many years of chemical processing or genetic heritage. Whatever the cause, I’m unhappy about it. So I’m taking biotin/zinc (me taking vitamins--shocker!) and virtually mainlining Rogaine. I’m even looking into extensions.
And all around me is hair—from Trump’s otherworldly orange confection to deliberate baldness. Yes, there are women who are intentionally shaving their heads, claiming that the buzz cut is empowering and liberating. “It’s given me the confidence I never had,” claimed one young devotee (who, incidentally, also possesses flawless skin and exquisite bone structure).
I struggle with make-up too. I’m not especially deft with application (my cat eyes look like lollipops…not good) but I love the idea of it. The packaging. The scents. The promises it makes. So I keep at it. Now it appears I’m wasting my time. The fabulously talented (and beautiful) Alicia Keys has sworn off make-up, claiming the act is—yes—liberating. Her revolutionary decision has provoked loud and mixed reviews but surely in this age of body positivity and “living your truth,” she’s entitled to present whatever face she wants to the world, no?
Which is exactly the point. Every woman (and every new generation of women) gets to define what beauty means to her and the statement, if any, she wants to make with her physical self. Often, it ends up challenging or threatening what others think a woman should look like. Other times, the look du jour tyrannizes the very women it’s supposed to serve.
The personal can be political, sure. (Just look at the French reaction to the burkini.) But for a woman, this act can also be reflection of her most courageous and independent { self }.
{ SELF } CARE OR BUST
True or false: Self-care is self-indulgent. Self-absorbed. Not a real thing.
Anyone who has ever read this blog or any of the hip and happening health/lifestyle/beauty newsletters out there knows that these statements are ridiculously false. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, women feel uncomfortable with the notion.
Yes, we schedule our hair or nail appointments without a second thought, but a regular self-care practice that honors our bodies and or emotional needs seems beyond us.
It’s as though we don’t feel entitled or deserving. And besides everyone else comes first.
Sound like someone you know?
Try thinking about it this way: Self-care is self-preservation. You can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself first.
It’s not self-absorbed to get in touch with your own needs and feelings. It’s how you re-engage with who you really are and what you want. Right now and in the future. When you identify what’s important to you, you can live and embody your values in an authentic way.
It’s not self-indulgent to show yourself some love. It helps you become a better advocate for your dreams and desires. When you know your worth, you don’t allow others to dismiss or marginalize you. You find your voice and you aren’t afraid to use it.
We all need daily self-care whether it’s a nap or a workout, a makeover or a moment of mindfulness. In the next few days, what can you do to take better care of your sweet and deserving { self }?
Tags self-care
HUSTLE AND GROW
Something magical happens when you get a group of women together in a room. Differences fade, creativity flows and bonds develop. Just. Like. That.
On Saturday, I took part in a business mastermind sensitively facilitated by Michelle Talbert, business coach, mentor and creator of the HerPowerHustle podcast. There were five of us, mostly coaches (corporate, life and health), at various stages of professional development, looking for insights and strategies to grow.
We each started with five-minute uninterrupted intros, followed by 20 minutes of lively brainstorming that was as therapeutic as it was instructional. When you work alone as most of us do, just hearing yourself think aloud and explore “what ifs” in a safe, supportive environment can be so helpful. And best of all, I got some ideas I can put into place today so watch this space.
Lessons learned: find your tribe, listen with your heart and have the courage to change your mind. It's the surest path to your most successful { self }.
ESCAPE
My bags are packed. The pet sitter is booked (and there’s enough food to feed a shelter’s worth of dogs and cats for a month). Clients have been advised and the holiday email is ready to go. Got my hair done, my nails done, some cool clothes and beach reads.
Have I forgotten anything?
Oh, yes…the guilt! I’m going on my first vacation in nine(!) years and already I’m worried. Is this right time to go? Don’t I have something better (i.e. serious, not self-indulging) to do with my time? Do I really deserve this fun?
The fact is, we all deserve a break from the pressures and concerns of every day life. It’s like sleep. You need to refresh your body and your head. Even a day trip to a place you’ve never been can restore your perspective and open you up to new ways of thinking and doing.
As for me, the white sands and turquoise waters of Punta Cana beckon. Four days of doing nothing, thinking about nothing in particular and nurturing my soul for the days and weeks to come.
I can’t wait to discover my most relaxed and guilt-free { self }.
Tags vacation
WHO DO YOU LOVE?
I don’t do vulnerability well. Don’t like admitting weakness. Don’t like feeling scared. Don’t want people to think that I’m not smart enough to handle it all on my own, thank you very much.
Sound familiar?
In short, I’m not brave enough to face the uncertainty of simply showing up without any protective armor or “expectation of being seen with no guarantee of outcome” (as Brené Brown describes it in her new book, “Rising Strong”). Maybe that’s why it’s taken me a lifetime to learn that you can’t experience authentic love from others unless you can wholeheartedly love yourself first. Which is why these spots from Dove (“My Beauty”) and JC Penney (“Here I am”) resonate so strongly for me. I love how they celebrate the power of putting yourself out there and finding the body positivity and self-acceptance that go along with it.
We'll know we've finally achieved enlightenment when we allow love to embrace all of us, including our { selves }.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF BLING
There was pink (so much pink), sparkles, makeovers, fashion shows, feather boas and enough cake, cookies and candy to put the American Dental Association on high alert.
It was every girl’s dream. But a dream with a purpose. To educate young women and girls about breast cancer and to encourage them to take charge of their health and wellbeing.
Pajama Glam, this confection of sugar and spice, is an offshoot of the Tigerlily Foundation, an advocacy organization dedicated to “changing the young adult breast cancer landscape…that seeks to impact the quality of care and lifestyle for young women affected by the disease.” Founded by Maimah Karmo, who herself was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 32, it empowers and educates women to “be their own best advocates.”
Inspired by her mother’s courage, Noelle Karmo was moved to create her own program to reach out to girls like herself. Hence, Pajama Glam, a four-hour “sleep-over” that delivers this serious message to girls of all ages.
I was honored to talk the girls about confidence and the positive messages we should share with our friends, our families and with our own minds and hearts. They were a great audience, eager to participate and learn. (Will post pix on Facebook when I get them.)
Tragedy can overwhelm or transform us. Thanks to Tigerlily, women find the strength to celebrate their most powerful and beautiful { selves }.