One Girl Blog
HUSTLE AND GROW
Something magical happens when you get a group of women together in a room. Differences fade, creativity flows and bonds develop. Just. Like. That.
On Saturday, I took part in a business mastermind sensitively facilitated by Michelle Talbert, business coach, mentor and creator of the HerPowerHustle podcast. There were five of us, mostly coaches (corporate, life and health), at various stages of professional development, looking for insights and strategies to grow.
We each started with five-minute uninterrupted intros, followed by 20 minutes of lively brainstorming that was as therapeutic as it was instructional. When you work alone as most of us do, just hearing yourself think aloud and explore “what ifs” in a safe, supportive environment can be so helpful. And best of all, I got some ideas I can put into place today so watch this space.
Lessons learned: find your tribe, listen with your heart and have the courage to change your mind. It's the surest path to your most successful { self }.
ESCAPE
My bags are packed. The pet sitter is booked (and there’s enough food to feed a shelter’s worth of dogs and cats for a month). Clients have been advised and the holiday email is ready to go. Got my hair done, my nails done, some cool clothes and beach reads.
Have I forgotten anything?
Oh, yes…the guilt! I’m going on my first vacation in nine(!) years and already I’m worried. Is this right time to go? Don’t I have something better (i.e. serious, not self-indulging) to do with my time? Do I really deserve this fun?
The fact is, we all deserve a break from the pressures and concerns of every day life. It’s like sleep. You need to refresh your body and your head. Even a day trip to a place you’ve never been can restore your perspective and open you up to new ways of thinking and doing.
As for me, the white sands and turquoise waters of Punta Cana beckon. Four days of doing nothing, thinking about nothing in particular and nurturing my soul for the days and weeks to come.
I can’t wait to discover my most relaxed and guilt-free { self }.
Tags vacation
WHO DO YOU LOVE?
I don’t do vulnerability well. Don’t like admitting weakness. Don’t like feeling scared. Don’t want people to think that I’m not smart enough to handle it all on my own, thank you very much.
Sound familiar?
In short, I’m not brave enough to face the uncertainty of simply showing up without any protective armor or “expectation of being seen with no guarantee of outcome” (as Brené Brown describes it in her new book, “Rising Strong”). Maybe that’s why it’s taken me a lifetime to learn that you can’t experience authentic love from others unless you can wholeheartedly love yourself first. Which is why these spots from Dove (“My Beauty”) and JC Penney (“Here I am”) resonate so strongly for me. I love how they celebrate the power of putting yourself out there and finding the body positivity and self-acceptance that go along with it.
We'll know we've finally achieved enlightenment when we allow love to embrace all of us, including our { selves }.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF BLING
There was pink (so much pink), sparkles, makeovers, fashion shows, feather boas and enough cake, cookies and candy to put the American Dental Association on high alert.
It was every girl’s dream. But a dream with a purpose. To educate young women and girls about breast cancer and to encourage them to take charge of their health and wellbeing.
Pajama Glam, this confection of sugar and spice, is an offshoot of the Tigerlily Foundation, an advocacy organization dedicated to “changing the young adult breast cancer landscape…that seeks to impact the quality of care and lifestyle for young women affected by the disease.” Founded by Maimah Karmo, who herself was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 32, it empowers and educates women to “be their own best advocates.”
Inspired by her mother’s courage, Noelle Karmo was moved to create her own program to reach out to girls like herself. Hence, Pajama Glam, a four-hour “sleep-over” that delivers this serious message to girls of all ages.
I was honored to talk the girls about confidence and the positive messages we should share with our friends, our families and with our own minds and hearts. They were a great audience, eager to participate and learn. (Will post pix on Facebook when I get them.)
Tragedy can overwhelm or transform us. Thanks to Tigerlily, women find the strength to celebrate their most powerful and beautiful { selves }.
LISTENING IS POWERFUL
This past Saturday, I spent several hours with Esther Boykin of Sidewalk Talk DC, the local branch of a national nonprofit created to “nurture a culture of kindness and empathy through compassionate non-judgmental listening.” It’s as simple and profound as that.
We met at a Starbucks in Haymarket (VA) and once the table was set up, people slowly made their way over to talk about whatever was on their minds—from dealing with family issues to getting their car towed. (Think NPR’s Story Corps meets street performance art). Each session lasted no more than ten minutes but the emotional impact on listener and "listenee" was surprisingly powerful. It’s true what they say: when you do a kindness for someone else, it comes back and returns the favor.
How can you bring more listening into your life?
- First, volunteer with Sidewalk Talk. There are events all over the DC/MD/VA area (and around the country) so register, get trained and go forth and listen. (See our Facebook page for photos.)
- Be present for others. Put down those devices, stop multi-tasking (I’m guilty of this too), and devote some time to truly engaging and connecting one-on-one with another person in that moment. Hear what they’re saying, listen for the subtext and respond. Allowing someone to talk without interruption or saying “here’s what you should do” is a gift.
- Listen to yourself. Don’t dismiss your feelings or emotions when things go wrong. Or right. Listen to your body and give it the care and nourishment it deserves. Show yourself some lovingkindness.
Do it for others. Do it for your { self }. Open your heart and listen.
Tags listening, Sidewalk Talk
MOTHER’S DAY--IT’S COMPLICATED
It’s your very first relationship. The one you keep trying to re-create. Or make right. This Mother’s Day, take a break from perfection, the what-ifs and what-might-have-beens, and honor the qualities you love most about your mom—or any special woman in your life.
Including your { self }.
Tags Mother's Day
WHAT JEB! CAN TEACH US ABOUT NUTRITION AND HEALTH
I know, I know, I’m a little late with this. Jeb! is long out of the presidential race. But whatever you might think of him as a candidate, he’s done us all a favor by proving—yet again—that “diets” don’t work.
You may remember the story. Jeb! ran on a platform of…paleo. In that, at least, he succeeded. Everyone raved about his discipline and 40-pound weight loss. However, his lean and hungry look left him grumpy and, as Donald Trump meanly pointed out, “low energy.” Not a winning proposition.
What can we learn from Jeb!’s unfortunate experience? Don’t try a short-term fix for a problem that needs a life-long solution. Before you plan for a wedding, a reunion, a political campaign or the coming week, spend some time getting to know yourself and developing an eating and fitness plan that supports your health, vitality and state of mind for the long term.
Here’s the deal: there is no one diet/eating plan for every body. We are all different—from food preferences to gut microbes, so what works for one person may lead to totally abysmal results for someone else. Plus an externally imposed program that doesn’t account for your bioindividuality is simply not sustainable.
What does work?
1. Eating what you like. Cook healthier versions of your favorite dishes, using the best ingredients you can afford.
2. Watching your portion size. You can have too much of a good thing and you cannot work it all off with exercise.
3. Practicing good fit-trition. Find workouts that enhance muscle strength, cardio and flexibility. And incorporate activity into your daily life—stairs not elevators, walking around the block not eating at your desk, a five minute run or stretch.
4. Fighting cravings with the 80/20 rule. Eat “right” 80% of the time and add in “treats” 20% of the time. A good way to move up to healthier eating 100% of the time.
5. Finding balance with mindful meditation. Take the time to get in touch with what your body and mind are telling you and write it down. The more you know about your body and your motivations, the better you can refine your behaviors.
And become your strongest { self }.
Tags Jeb!, Trump, diets, bioindividuality
TAKE A BREATH
Last month, we talked about finding the courage within to pursue our dreams. But what happens when it’s not a question of “are you brave enough?” but “can you manage your fear?” When you’re in the grips of, say, a full-blown anxiety attack?
Fear is a healthy response to an actual, immediate danger. Your body revs up in preparation for fight or flight while your mind focuses intently on the threat and, in a split second, decides how to react.
Anxiety is your response to an anticipated threat, something that hasn’t even happened yet—an exam, a presentation, a meeting with your accountant, the unknown. Your heart races, your muscles tense and you prepare for…what exactly?
Worry comes from the Old English word for “strangle” and when you live in a chronic state of high anxiety, you may feel the fear literally gripping you by the throat. You can’t breathe much less deal with the here and now. Fear steals your present and wears you down.
So next time you feel the panic stirring, do this:
STOP: Become mindful of your thoughts. Ask yourself if they’re real or possible or if they’re simply the result of your fevered imagination and self-doubt.
LOOK: Drop into your body and take note of your physical reactions. Consciously slow your breathing and unclench your body.
LISTEN: Hear what your body and mind are telling you and give yourself some care and reassurance. Sometimes it helps to just place your hand on your heart and say out loud: “It’s ok. You’re ok. It’s going to be alright.” (For some reason, talking to yourself in the second person helps.)
Accept your vulnerability. Take a breath. Find strength and comfort in your best { self }.
Tags panic attacks
GOOD FOR WHAT AILS YOU
"I hab a code." Actually, I have the flu, with an array of symptoms so vast and intense I could star in my very own Tamiflu spot. And because I rarely get sick, I take it as a personal affront so I fight it. For every nap I take, I think what else could I be doing with this time? (P.S. It’s a weekend.) For every appointment I cancel, I feel as if I’m letting myself or others down. I refuse to “give in” and take a break.
When I was a little girl, I didn’t do this. Yes, I worried about missing school but that paled when compared to my few days at home. I got homemade chicken soup and applesauce from my grandmother and a facial and manicure from my mother. Hours and hours with my dog in my bed, reading or watching daytime TV. It was heaven.
As adults, our lives don’t permit such self-indulgences. (And for some, the notion of sick days is, sadly, inconceivable.) But there’s no reason we can’t do better about getting better. It’s really OK to take a moment and recharge. To support your immune system with healthy comfort foods. To give your monkey-mind a rest.
So next time the flu, a cold or exhaustion knocks you out, do the smart thing and treat yourself with kindness. Take naps and distract yourself with some mindless entertainment. It’s just what the doctor—and One Girl Wellness—ordered.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking my dog and going back to bed.
Tags self-care
WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?
This past Sunday, I spent the day at a workshop led by my awesome mentor, Karen Schachter. For eight hours, 50 women explored what it means to be “brave,” to identify our true desire and find the courage to go after it. There was laughter, tears, some mildly frank language and lots of “hiving”—how Karen describes deep, limbic, healing connection.
For a newcomer to group hugs (where have I been?!), it was an extraordinary experience and it made me wonder: why do we hold ourselves back? Why do we play yes-(wo)men to others’ dreams and ambitions but say no our own?
What are we so afraid of?
Call it culture. Call it tradition. Call it upbringing. We learn early that it’s not ladylike to promote ourselves. That when we’re good at something (or many things), talking about it will make someone else feel bad (as though somehow we have control over others’ state of mind). That wanting for ourselves is wrong.
Desire denied feeds fear. Fear of disappointment, hurting others, failure. We fear our own success. We’re afraid of not being perfect, of living up to our own or others’ standards or expectations.
We get in our own way. Stuck.
Don’t go there! Get over your sweet { self } and go after your dreams. Hold on to them even when there are setbacks. Take one small step after the other and move forward. You are stronger and more worthy than you think. You can do it.
In the words of one of our greatest presidents, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”