One Girl Blog

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

VULNERABILTY IS POWERFUL

In your wildest dreams, did you ever think that sexual assault would be an issue in the 2016 presidential campaign? Me either. Yet, here we are.

But just when you think the story can’t get  any stranger (or “deplorable,” to use the word du jour) there comes a revelatory moment that changes your whole perspective.

In a roundtable convo on MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell show, Ana Marie Cox observed, “the fear of seeming vulnerable keeps us broken. It takes strength to reach out and ask for help.” She was talking, of course, about the People reporter whose story of the republican’s nominee’s boorish behavior had broken that day. She was attempting to explain why women don’t come forward and bear witness. That the fear of being seen or judged as vulnerable somehow made them seem weak in their own or others’ eyes. So they swallow their pain and do what they can to move on.

Of course, as we’ve all learned in our own lives in all sorts of circumstance, you can’t move on unless you identify the source of your distress (whatever it is) and deal with it honestly, courageously and with self-compassion. Sometimes that means speaking up. Or speaking truth to power. Or asking a simple question. Or feeling safe enough to reach out and say, “I can’t do this alone. I’m stuck. Please help me.”

And just like that, what you think is your weakness becomes your strength. By enlarging your circle and bringing help to your side, you start to become your most powerful { self }.

Tags vulnerabilityPresidential electionAna Marie Cox

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

A TIME TO RENEW

Not quite Throw Back Thursday, but I thought I'd bring back last year's Rosh Hashanah message urging reflection and renewal...

It’s Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, but you don’t have to be Jewish to make a fresh start and take these lessons to heart:

Reflect.  Look back on the past year—goals accomplished, wishes fulfilled, dreams not quite realized. Did you expand your emotional horizons or remain stuck in old patterns? How can you move forward, be better, do more now and in the days to come?

Forgive. “Sorry” may be the hardest word (just ask the Republican and Democratic headliners), but in the ten “days of awe” between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), it’s all about apologies and granting forgiveness, of wiping the slate clean of errors, disappointments, resentments and hurts. Letting go can be liberating. It frees the heart and opens it to greater love.

Re-commit. To friendships, families, your community and—if you’re a believer—a higher power.  Find ways to “repair your world” starting with just one individual or cause. As we approach the end of the election season, walk the talk and get out the vote. Or get involved with an advocacy group. Contribute your time and talents to something bigger than yourself and start a ripple effect of good.

Eat! It wouldn’t be a holiday without a feast. Love your body with good foods that love you back and enable you to be your best and most awesome { self }.

Wishing all One Girl fans and readers of the blog a sweet and happy year.

Tags New Yearrenewal

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

LOOKS LIKE…

I’m losing my hair. Chalk it up to age, too many years of chemical processing or genetic heritage. Whatever the cause, I’m unhappy about it. So I’m taking biotin/zinc (me taking vitamins--shocker!) and virtually mainlining Rogaine. I’m even looking into extensions.

And all around me is hair—from Trump’s otherworldly orange confection to deliberate baldness. Yes, there are women who are intentionally shaving their heads, claiming that the buzz cut is empowering and liberating. “It’s given me the confidence I never had,” claimed one young devotee (who, incidentally, also possesses flawless skin and exquisite bone structure).

I struggle with make-up too. I’m not especially deft with application (my cat eyes look like lollipops…not good) but I love the idea of it. The packaging. The scents. The promises it makes. So I keep at it. Now it appears I’m wasting my time. The fabulously talented (and beautiful) Alicia Keys has sworn off make-up, claiming the act is—yes—liberating. Her revolutionary decision has provoked loud and mixed reviews but surely in this age of body positivity and “living your truth,” she’s entitled to present whatever face she wants to the world, no?

Which is exactly the point. Every woman (and every new generation of women) gets to define what beauty means to her and the statement, if any, she wants to make with her physical self. Often, it ends up challenging or threatening what others think a woman should look like. Other times, the look du jour tyrannizes the very women it’s supposed to serve.

The personal can be political, sure. (Just look at the French reaction to the burkini.) But for a woman, this act can also be reflection of her most courageous and independent { self }.

Tags beautyhairmake-upburkini

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

{ SELF } CARE OR BUST

True or false: Self-care is self-indulgent. Self-absorbed. Not a real thing.

Anyone who has ever read this blog or any of the hip and happening health/lifestyle/beauty newsletters out there knows that these statements are ridiculously false. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, women feel uncomfortable with the notion.

Yes, we schedule our hair or nail appointments without a second thought, but a regular self-care practice that honors our bodies and or emotional needs seems beyond us.

It’s as though we don’t feel entitled or deserving. And besides everyone else comes first.

Sound like someone you know?

Try thinking about it this way: Self-care is self-preservation. You can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself first.

It’s not self-absorbed to get in touch with your own needs and feelings. It’s how you re-engage with who you really are and what you want. Right now and in the future. When you identify what’s important to you, you can live and embody your values in an authentic way.

It’s not self-indulgent to show yourself some love. It helps you become a better advocate for your dreams and desires. When you know your worth, you don’t allow others to dismiss or marginalize you. You find your voice and you aren’t afraid to use it.

We all need daily self-care whether it’s a nap or a workout, a makeover or a moment of mindfulness. In the next few days, what can you do to take better care of your sweet and deserving { self }?

Tags self-care

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

HUSTLE AND GROW

Something magical happens when you get a group of women together in a room. Differences fade, creativity flows and bonds develop. Just. Like. That.

On Saturday, I took part in a business mastermind sensitively facilitated by Michelle Talbert, business coach, mentor and creator of the HerPowerHustle podcast. There were five of us, mostly coaches (corporate, life and health), at various stages of professional development, looking for insights and strategies to grow.

We each started with five-minute uninterrupted intros, followed by 20 minutes of lively brainstorming that was as therapeutic as it was instructional. When you work alone as most of us do, just hearing yourself think aloud and explore “what ifs” in a safe, supportive environment can be so helpful. And best of all, I got some ideas I can put into place today so watch this space.

Lessons learned: find your tribe, listen with your heart and have the courage to change your mind. It's the surest path to your most successful { self }.

Tags hustlebusinessprofessional development

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

ESCAPE

My bags are packed. The pet sitter is booked (and there’s enough food to feed a shelter’s worth of dogs and cats for a month). Clients have been advised and the holiday email is ready to go. Got my hair done, my nails done, some cool clothes and beach reads.

Have I forgotten anything?

Oh, yes…the guilt! I’m going on my first vacation in nine(!) years and already I’m worried. Is this right time to go? Don’t I have something better (i.e. serious, not self-indulging) to do with my time? Do I really deserve this fun?

 The fact is, we all deserve a break from the pressures and concerns of every day life. It’s like sleep. You need to refresh your body and your head. Even a day trip to a place you’ve never been can restore your perspective and open you up to new ways of thinking and doing.

As for me, the white sands and turquoise waters of Punta Cana beckon. Four days of doing nothing, thinking about nothing in particular and nurturing my soul for the days and weeks to come.

I can’t wait to discover my most relaxed and guilt-free { self  }. 


Tags vacation

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

WHO DO YOU LOVE?

I don’t do vulnerability well. Don’t like admitting weakness. Don’t like feeling scared. Don’t want people to think that I’m not smart enough to handle it all on my own, thank you very much.

Sound familiar?

In short, I’m not brave enough to face the uncertainty of simply showing up without any protective armor or “expectation of being seen with no guarantee of outcome” (as Brené Brown describes it in her new book, “Rising Strong”). Maybe that’s why it’s taken me a lifetime to learn that you can’t experience authentic love from others unless you can wholeheartedly love yourself first. Which is why these spots from Dove (“My Beauty”) and JC Penney (“Here I am”) resonate so strongly for me. I love how they celebrate the power of putting yourself out there and finding the body positivity and self-acceptance that go along with it.

We'll know we've finally achieved enlightenment when we allow love to embrace all of us, including our { selves }.

Tags vulnerabilityself-loveBrene Brownbody positivity

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF BLING

There was pink (so much pink), sparkles, makeovers, fashion shows, feather boas and enough cake, cookies and candy to put the American Dental Association on high alert.

 It was every girl’s dream. But a dream with a purpose. To educate young women and girls about breast cancer and to encourage them to take charge of their health and wellbeing.

 Pajama Glam, this confection of sugar and spice, is an offshoot of the Tigerlily Foundation, an advocacy organization dedicated to “changing the young adult breast cancer landscape…that seeks to impact the quality of care and lifestyle for young women affected by the disease.” Founded by Maimah Karmo, who herself was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 32, it empowers and educates women to “be their own best advocates.”

 Inspired by her mother’s courage, Noelle Karmo was moved to create her own program to reach out to girls like herself. Hence, Pajama Glam, a four-hour “sleep-over” that delivers this serious message to girls of all ages.

 I was honored to talk the girls about confidence and the positive messages we should share with our friends, our families and with our own minds and hearts. They were a great audience, eager to participate and learn. (Will post pix on Facebook when I get them.)

 Tragedy can overwhelm or transform us. Thanks to Tigerlily, women find the strength to celebrate their most powerful and beautiful { selves }.

Tags Tigerlily FoundationPajama Glambreast cancer

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

LISTENING IS POWERFUL

This past Saturday, I spent several hours with Esther Boykin of Sidewalk Talk DC, the local branch of a national nonprofit created to “nurture a culture of kindness and empathy through compassionate non-judgmental listening.” It’s as simple and profound as that.

We met at a Starbucks in Haymarket (VA) and once the table was set up, people slowly made their way over to talk about whatever was on their minds—from dealing with family issues to getting their car towed. (Think NPR’s Story Corps meets street performance art). Each session lasted no more than ten minutes but the emotional impact on listener and "listenee" was surprisingly powerful. It’s true what they say: when you do a kindness for someone else, it comes back and returns the favor.

How can you bring more listening into your life?

First, volunteer with Sidewalk Talk. There are events all over the DC/MD/VA area (and around the country) so register, get trained and go forth and listen. (See our Facebook page for photos.)

Be present for others. Put down those devices, stop multi-tasking (I’m guilty of this too), and devote some time to truly engaging and connecting one-on-one with another person in that moment. Hear what they’re saying, listen for the subtext and respond. Allowing someone to talk without interruption or saying “here’s what you should do” is a gift.

Listen to yourself. Don’t dismiss your feelings or emotions when things go wrong. Or right. Listen to your body and give it the care and nourishment it deserves. Show yourself some lovingkindness.

Do it for others. Do it for your { self }. Open your heart and listen. 

Tags listeningSidewalk Talk

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Susan Bodiker Susan Bodiker

MOTHER’S DAY--IT’S COMPLICATED

It’s your very first relationship. The one you keep trying to re-create. Or make right. This Mother’s Day, take a break from perfection, the what-ifs and what-might-have-beens, and honor the qualities you love most about your mom—or any special woman in your life.

Including your { self }.

Tags Mother's Day

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