Fame, fortune and finding my voice

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be famous. I have no idea why or what inspired the want. Nor, I’m guessing, did I understand what “fame” even meant. But I saw it as a desirable thing to be, a reward to be enjoyed once I grew up.

So of course I chose a profession that guaranteed anonymity—advertising. No one knew who I was. My name was that of “the client,” the logo at the bottom of the page. And even if the ad was successful, I—the writer—stayed hidden.

Even when I did community theatre (ever the tragedienne), I was never the flamboyant lead. My characters were observers, watching, waiting until the very last moment when they took action that changed the entire course of the drama.

A week ago, that all changed. I appeared on Bmore Livestyle, an afternoon talk show broadcast in Baltimore, It was my debut as myself: Susan Bodiker, founder of One Girl Wellness, author of Fat Girl.

Was I nervous? Terrified.

Excited? Breathless.

“You always wanted to be famous,” I told myself. “Now's your chance.”

The segment—on self-care—flew by in a flash. The conversation flowed. And while I haven’t seen the footage, everyone seemed happy. And I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt great. (And thanks to make-up artist, Owen O’Donnell and hair stylist, Ashley Windsor, I felt beautiful.)

It wasn’t until I was back home that I realized what “fame” had meant to me all this time. It wasn’t celebrity I was after.  It was being seen, acknowledged, appreciated for who I was as I was. Valued.

Something everybody wants.

In those few minutes of fame, I found not just my voice. But my { self }.